Speaker walks onto stage to rapturous applause, after being introduced by host. Traditionally, the speaker would be talking to a smaller audience, perhaps over the phone or on the internet, but today they've got their big break. At last, more people will be able to hear about [complaint]. Remember, eye contact and smile whenever the camera spots you.
Hi folks! Today I'd love to complain about [complaint]. I'm really pleased to see that [number] of people agree with me that [complaint] is [synonym for bad] for all of us.
Does anyone else find [brief description of complaint] really frustrating? I mean, one moment you're [doing thing you enjoy], when all of a sudden [action of complaint] means you're [detail of aftermath of complaint]. I mean, it's so annoying, right?
Right?
Yes, I am right. [complaint] is something we need to talk about. You see, I wasn't ever really affected by [complaint] until [description of scenario that played out before first instance of complaint]. From that point on, I have always been more wary of [complaint].
At this point, wave a piece of paper in anger for no reason. There need not be text on the paper.
[people at "fault" for complaint] are so unaware of what they're doing, I mean seriously. [complaint] is such a selfish thing to do, and yet these people will carry on behaving like they're the only ones alive. Look around, people, no one's impressed by [complaint].
I know [audience] are as annoyed by [complaint] as I am, and the truth is, we don't need to stand around letting [brief description of complaint] stop us from [brief description of behaviour stopped by complaint]. The fact that in [location] in [current year], we're still having to deal with [complaint] - [mix of idioms, clichés, and metaphors for being one and not standing down to authority] (eg - only the strongest wall can stop [complaint] from destroying the fabric of our society).
We find ourselves at a very fragile point in history. [metaphor for collapsing society] if we don't stop [complaint] before [metaphor for society getting worse]. And you can help, by resharing [anger about complaint] on [social media service], as well as by following me of course because why wouldn't you!
We must stop [complaint] from making our lives worse - otherwise, [mention of future generations]. [sign of gratitude].
Rapturous applause, and nervous smile from speaker. That wasn't so bad, was it? In the best case scenario, your speech on [complaint] will be reshared for future generations to come - in the worst, you'll be thinking about this for years to come feeling embarrassed that no one truly cared about [complaint].
Results of template more effective the more mundane [complaint] is.
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