Another birthday

Well, it's my birthday today. Again, as has been the case every year since I was born. This time, however, I am apparently at an important milestone - becoming an adult - and that saddens me because based on all I read in the news and what I perceive around others, adulthood doesn't seem particularly remarkable. Instead, it's the exact same experience, this time you have to rely on yourself to get anything done. 

I remember at school how fun breaktimes were, and golden time especially, when I was in primary school. The latter was an hour of having fun and messing about, making crafts and generally not having a care in the world about schoolwork, as little as there was in primary. But as I've aged, I've seen breaktimes become far more dull - come secondary, sure the younger kids still play football at lunch, but the oldest usually just talk with each other, maybe hang out on their phones. And I find lots of joy talking with people, of course I do, but there's a strange sense of grey when it comes to breaktimes nowadays. Everyone's far more exhausted now due to looming exams, and understandably that also means fewer people will behave like hyperactive seven year olds.

I miss my earlier childhood, though, and how the world seemed to be was filled with awe in the smallest nooks and crannies. I suppose that explains why I write blogposts about rarely used railway stations, or often forgotten elements (when I do, that is). Now if I want "fun", it seems like the only outpost is going to parties, but they often end up focused on alcohol, which also disappoints me. If the only fun you get is from consuming an anti-depressive, how happy are you really?

And maybe I'm over-exaggerating. Yes, I'm aware of books and board game clubs and the like, but either way I'm not looking forward to whatever adulthood is supposed to be. And I've never really liked birthdays too, so I guess I'm quite nonchalant about today. It's the end of a chapter I never quite wanted to end, and the beginning of an unappealing passage with endless description that keeps going on and on and on. Once my exams are finished, I'll be focusing on university next - and I will admit, I am excited about uni since I might be able to learn more about chemistry and myself.

So, to little fanfare, I will age by a day, but official documents will claim I'm a year older. I will be able to buy drugs and misuse them as much as possible. But I will lose a part of myself in the process, and I wish I could keep it. 

This blog will be staying, though, I'm just focusing on exams by quite a bit, and can't find the same enthusiasm I had for the blog due to it. Stay tuned for trips to Tooting, and Radiohead album reviews (I will get through them all, I promise).